Blind man driving hits on Carrie!! Friday 2/8/08 - LONG!!!

OMG! Do you ever have "one of those days?" Honestly, an event that happens that is so totally bizzare, you just have to laugh? Yep, it happened Friday. A co-worker, Kathi and I were innocently making out way to the "Dollar Store" in order to purchase some decorations (of the spring variety) for the office. The weather has been so cold, icy, snowy and crappy, we really needed something to lift everyone's spirits. SO off we went at 10 am, Carrie (the van), Myself, Kathi and Mad Dog (who had a special "bring your dog to work day").

We are about 2 miles from work and sitting in Carrie at a stop light when I notice a dark burgandy Blazer driving "really slow...I'm talking REALLY slow....I could have beat that Blazer to the light walking on my hands alone!" I notice he's not really in his lane. Well, wait, he kind of is but he's kind of in mine too. CRAP! Honestly, what do you do? You can't drive into the middle of this busy intersection! So I warn Kathi that she's the "bloody side".

Okay, most of you have seen Austin Powers. You know the scene where Austin is driving the asphalt roller and there is a man in front of it. It's going about 2 mph and the man is screaming for him to stop because he can't get out of the way? Swear, that is EXACTLY what this was like.

I think I was frozen in disbelief, Kathi was getting a tad bit freaked out as he was getting closer and closer. I think at one point Kathi said, "OMG, I think he's going to hit us." About that time is when you hear the scraping of Blazer on Odyssey. In some kind of weird mating dance? I'm pretty sure CARRIE was NOT in season!!! G

So I honk just before the blazer takes off the passenger mirror. He then starts to back up causing even more scrapping! UGH!!! Kathi powers the passenger window down. About that time the driver of the Blazer is also rolling his window down. I yelled, "Are you an idiot." (Thankfully I think he realized that this was a retorical question.) I was VERY proud of myself for leaving the "F" word out and Kathi advised that this would have been a TOTALLY appropriate place to insert it. Since he didn't reply, I thought I'd best open up the dialog with another statement, so I hollered, "I hope you have insurance." (I know, some times I'm NOT very witty). Alas, the guy was conscious and confirmed he did. JL He gave some indication for us to follow him off the busy road, so we did. (I was pretty sure Kathi could take him!)

After a VERY long ride of one block which took longer than I'd care to mention, he pulled onto an off street. Kathi in the mean time had dialed 911 for me as I was seriously wondering if the man was drunk. Let me tell you, I am NOT terribly impressed with the 911 service and I told her we'd had been in an accident and thought the other driver might be drunk, she transferred me. Yep.....made me wonder if it was a drive by shooting if you'd be transferred somewhere else? I didn't bother to ask. As I'm being transferred Kathi is quickly writing down the license plate number, she really did NOT have to hurry...he was NOT going anywhere fast. G

By this time the "PERP" had pulled onto the side street (not by the curb mind you, in the middle of the freaking road) so I pulled behind him closer to the curb and handed Kathi the phone back to give the 2nd dispatch the particulars.

I went over to Carrie's side and took her vitals. Only a few dents and scratches along with a fresh coat of burgandy paint. Nothing serious, so I head over to talk to the driver.

He exits the Blazer and I swear the FIRST words out of his mouth are... "I'm sure glad you honked." Well, NO "S" Sherlock, YA THINK!! OMG!!! As he exits the Blazer, I note he's an older man, I'm HORRIBLE with ages, but something is NOT right about his eyes. Do you remember Marty Feldman? One is like that, bulging out of it's socket like it's trying to escape the crime scene, the other is barely open, I think that is his "good" eye. So I ask him if he has a driver's license. He says he does and is rummaging around for it. He finally finds it and hands it to me. I copy down his name and address, and I notice his license expires this year, in JULY (hopefully for GOOD) but didn't notice what year he was born. RATS!! So I give that back to him and ask if he has his insurance card.

More rummaging (still no police officers to help btw) and he comes up with the insurance card. So I take down that information as well. He asks for my name and phone number, so I write those down for him and hand him the piece of paper. He can't see it. I am NOT LYING!! He is moving his hand back and forth trying to "find the sheet of paper". OMG!!! It's then that I really realize he CAN'T SEE!!!! Now, had I not been so shocked I probably would have "played" with him a bit by moving it back and forth, just out of reach....but I was dumbfounded.

So, then he says, "Boy, this just figures, after yesterday." Okay, come on...who is NOT curious about WHAT happened yesterday??

Turns out it really wasn't all that exciting. He just got stuck with the blazer in his driveway. Hung up on a drift I guess. So I kind of starting feeling sorry for the guy. So I asked him if his wife was home. He said yes, but he had a doctor's appointment so he had to leave. I asked why his wife didn't take him and he said that she didn't want to drive in this weather. (I'm thinking, "DUDE, you shouldn't be driving at all!!!!") I told him that I wasn't sure he should be driving at all and he agreed. Still NO cops by the way!!!!

So then he wants to see the damage to the van. So he walks over to Carrie and I just hang back to see what he's going to do. He goes to the wrong freaking side of the van! He's rubbing his hand along and finally I have to tell him it's the "other side". Kathi is TOTALLY busting a gut at this point and at the corner either looking for "tricks" or cops...whichever turn up first. CALGON TAKE ME AWAY!!!

Finally a police car is coming from the opposite direction and they drive "right by us", like they are not going to stop. HELLO!!! They finally get a clue and after wiping the powered sugar off their blues (I made that part up) they come toward us.
The "fat old one" more experienced of the jelly doughnut wranglers, went to talk to the driver. The younger one talked with us, I explained what happened and my concern for him driving home. I explained he could NOT see.

Jelly belly comes over and talks to the younger guy and they determine that Kathi and I can leave. They suggest that I fill out a police report (but they don't have one with them - they probably did but it had jelly stains on it) so I should stop over at the police station to get one. Fine, we can do that on our way back. Jelly says the old guy only lives a couple blocks away so he was going to have him drive home. I explained again about the paper he could not see. We left, so I'm not sure they took care of him or not?? Our police force at work.

Does it end there? Oh no, that would be TOO EASY! So after we are done picking up our "goodies" Kathi kindly reminds me to pick up the accident report. So we pull into the tiny lot where a police car and an SUV are parked. We're pretty sure the old guy was a retired cop (as of Thursday) because the SUV has a smashed front light on the drivers side. G

So I go up to the door. LOCKED!! What the heck! I read the sign on the door. Ring bell or dial 911. OMG!! Hum, questionable at this point which would be faster!!!
So I ring the bell. No answer. Then I notice a phone box with a rugged phone in it. Do I use it? I'm waving and pointing to it and Kathi is nodding or choking from laughter, I'm not sure which???? So I pick up the phone and it starts to ring and ring and ring...then you can tell it's forwarded to a different number and it rings, and rings......finally someone answers. Boy, talk about LOUSY customer service!!

I tell her what I'm needing and she tells me they are all out on calls. I'm thinking "Seriously"??? Yep, all out, I can have them come over there when they are free. Okay, so, just so I'm sure what's going on here. You want me to stay in the parking lot and wait for the cops to come back that didn't have a form so they can get me a form they should have had in the first place? She said yes. I asked if I couldn't just download it from the internet, she said no.

I really wanted to ask her if she knew where they hid the spare key and checked the ground for the old dog poop trick. NOPE!! I wonder if they all carry bullets in their pockets? I'm pretty sure that is a YES!! G

BTW - you actually CAN get an accident report via the web. Maybe someone should provide that information to the Linn County Sheriff's department. How crazy is that!!